One saturday evening I was at mass at usual sitting in the gallery above in the corner quietly alone, the priest (at the time was fr. Gandalf) mentioned something about adult baptism preparation. RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults). It was exactly the thing I was looking for. I've been going to church but not really feeling 100% apart of it since there were too many things I didn't know. I signed up for it immediately with my sponsor being my tutor in high school and the early part of college. I brought this back home to my parents thinking everything would be okay or they would've been pleased with my decision to take this next step. But no. I came face to face with strong opposition from my parents. I had my grandparents behind me though. The reasons of the opposition were exams, school grades, less study time, baptism wasn't that necessary to be catholic. Major disappointment for me. I don't disagree that all the things are important, but what could be more important than responding to a natural calling to Christ? My grandfather use to pray and read the bible everyday and he'd invite me to pray with him (I was 10-12) but I always refused saying I had homework. It seemed like the perfect flawless excuse not to join him. But thinking back, it doesn't make any sense. I believed I mentioned the same reasons for not going to church in my younger days. What my parents were telling me, was what I myself use to say to others but it was only at that point where I realized the ridiculousness of it.
I had 3 weeks more until the first day of the commencement of the RCIA process and I still didn't have the 'green light' for it. I prayed tirelessly although I didn't exactly know what I was doing or who I was actually praying to for help. After much debate and discussion, I forcefully turned the red light green. It took me about 2 weeks. It all began the following week.
It wasn't the perfect in the sense that, it was all coming in black and white but it met what I needed/wanted being the very eager enquirer I was. My unanswered questions were starting to decrease. Although I do admit that my faith was still very shallow and it was all processed by my brain and I tried to understand it as logic. I wasn't feeling much connection or feeling much at that time despite my questions being answered. It took me awhile. 5 months into RCIA, I was shipped to sushiland. I despised it. I came feeling very lost, defeated, depressed, angry, frustrated, annoyed, and all other negative emotions you can come up with. My faith journey had seemed to come to a halt.
Fr Gandalf?!?
ReplyDelete